Toxic Charity

Doing good in this world is something that comes naturally to us, well most of us. There is some force within us that compels us to want to help someone who is in pain. In general, doing good, well, feels good. Knowing that you did something for someone and helped out gives us a sense of accomplishment.

A few weeks ago I conducted a small social (media) experiment on the Facebooks. I told everyone that if I got 200 likes that my friend would play a special benefit concert in Egypt to help bring more talented musicians to America. For anyone who is my friend, they knew it was a joke. But nonetheless within 48 hours the status had 220 likes. I'm sure there were various reasons why people "liked" the status. Some thought it was funny and support my comedic genius. Some, maybe didn't see the satire in it and thought I was being completely serious. And some wanted to simply help out. This is an observation, but it seems like adding some sort of goal to the task gave people an incentive to be involved. After liking the status they could clearly see their contribution and although it probably wasn't life changing, it probably felt a tad bit good.

How does this social experiment relate to homelessness and community development? Well, through many years of trial and error, community development practitioners have been able to empirically see that there are some methods of "helping" that work and some that just aren't effective and long lasting. The "liking a status" sort of help falls under that category of ineffective methods, and I will explain what that looks like in our case of homelessness in a bit.

I want to take you back 2 years. A younger and less informed Rafik was pushed by his mentor and good friend, Jeff Liou, to attend the Christian Community Development Association yearly conference with our church's community outreach director, Mayra Nolan. I didn't really know what to expect but I went and luckily got to snag one of my best friends Eliza Haney (Esq. in training) along with me. It only took 3 days for my concept of community development to be shattered and reformed into something beautiful and tangible.

When you hear someone like John Perkins speak about what it looks like to be a christian in the community development setting, and then shake hands with him and have him bless the work you are involved in in your home city, your life is forever changed.

But while I was over there I met someone that shook the foundations of my community development philosophy in a way that I was not anticipating. His name is Robert Lupton. Mr. Lupton wrote a book called Toxic Charity. During the conference he had a sit down meeting with whoever wished to join in as he explained the book. The basic premise of the book is this: Doing something for someone that they can do on their own is damaging and dis-empowers them, destroying their dignity. Lupton goes on to explain how so many forms of charity, particularly those in America, cause more damage to the target then it does good. But here's where he brings out the most dangerous part to this kind of charity, it almost ALWAYS feels good for the giver.

While walking on the street, you see a man with a long beard, rotting teeth, a sad look on his face, rugged clothes and a sign that says: please help, homeless. Your first instinct is to help by giving some change, or a couple of bucks, or shoot you're feeling REALLY generous (it's probably not generosity, just a greater amount of pity) and drop a Jackson. What have you really done though? Let's forget that the person you gave the money to might potentially be experiencing a drug addiction and that that money might get spent to support that addiction. Let's even assume that that man will use that 5 bucks you gave him to get dinner. Let's break this down and see what we've accomplished.

A potentially lonely man with little to no human interaction, sells you his dignity for 5 bucks, you take it, feel good about doing a "good" deed. Will that 5 bucks last more than 10 mins? Do you know his name? Did you provide him with something he couldn't do on his own? Did you actually just do more harm than good? I think yes you did. I won't go into to great detail as to the alternatives to what you can do that are way more beneficial for the man on the street, that will be another blog, but what I want you to see is how toxic, "giving" and "charities" can be when not done right.

The ideas that Robert Lupton uses to maintain people's dignity is quite simple, yet brilliant. In Atlanta, Georgia where he spent a lot of his time, one of the main issues that the community faced were dietary issues. Food services were not being provided in certain areas, and if they were they were simple handouts. Instead Lupton organized with his church a buy-in for the community. For 5-10$, you could get a weeks worth of groceries. I hope you don't see this as a cheap manipulative scheme. Sure it was a great deal, but the people who were opting in for this deal were essential. If they didn't provide the money, they didn't get the groceries. They became a VALUED partner in this "business" transaction. In another blog I will give more examples of this methodology and what it looks like.


Going back to our social media experiment, it was easy for us to click "like" and get a desired outcome. We felt like we helped and did something for someone, and it was easy. Just like rolling down your window and tossing some change to a homeless man on the street is pretty darn easy. But what if.. dream with me here, what if helping someone else has nothing to do with us, and the feeling we get from it should NOT be the priority?! I know it's crazy. Spending $3,000 to go hang out with some African kids and babies that you will never see again feels really good! (unless you plan on returning and committing to that community, that's a different story) But I wonder what that $3,000 could look like invested in the people of that community that are there long term?

As we continue with this blog and look at ways that I personally hope to incorporate into my dreams, and ways in which any person can serve along side those experiencing homelessness and poverty, my hope is that we will do it being aware of this idea of Toxic Charity. I think what it causes us to do is not just settle for doing good because it feels good for us, but to really examine what we are doing, and how effective it is for the receiver. As weird as it sounds, doing good doesn't just have a spectrum of effectiveness, but can also dip into a level of negative effectiveness, and harm the person receiving this "good" act. It will require more time and thought and that might outweigh the good feeling, but we don't love the neighbor because the Lord said it will feel good and be easy, but because we are called to live a self sacrificial life that represents and magnifies Christ.

Oath of compassionate service by Robert Lupton:

1. Never do for the poor what they have or could have the capacity to do for themselves.
2. Limit one way giving to emergency situations.
3. Strive to empower the poor through employment, lending, and investing, using grants sparingly to reinforce achievements.
4. Listen closely to those you seek to help, especially to what is not being said--unspoken feelings may contain essential clues to effective service.
5. Subordinate self-interests to the needs of those being served.
6. Above all, do no harm.

A Community Development Philosophy According to Jesus Christ

Today I want to take you back 2000 years ago and learn from a man who truly understood what effective community development looked like. He knew that unless it was long lasting, and well, eternal, that there was no point. His name was and is Jesus. Even if you don't believe He is the son of God (I really hope you do), it can be seen that his methods were ones that preserved dignity, empowered people, and were long lasting. So let's lay out a community development philosophy according to Jesus Christ. My goal is to answer the when, who, where and how questions of community developement, and particularly with regards to those experiencing homelessness.

When: Our first passage is found in most of the Gospels (I'll be reading from Matthew 12:9-14) and it is the story about the man with the withered hand. It was Jewish law that on the Sabbath one would rest and not do any work. So here we find Jesus strolling around on Sabbath and he encounters a man with a withered hand. The pharisees, who were teachers of the law were essentially out on the Sabbath trying to troll Jesus hard. They were trying to find ways to get him in trouble so that they could get rid of him. Anyways, as Jesus approaches the man with the withered hand the pharisees ask (troll) Jesus  "Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?" His response is this: "If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath,  will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath." Or in other translations: "What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP." So when do you partake in interacting with this community? All the time silly! Jesus is essentially saying this: Use your common sense. If there is chance for you to do good, do it! I'm not going to get into a philosophical debate about ends and means here, I think this passage is supposed to be quite simple. So like, I don't know if it's Sunday morning and you're all dressed up ready to go into church and sing "How Great Thou Art" and there is someone on the street YEARNING for a conversation or maybe a shared meal, you could use your common sense and be a bit late to church or skip out on Sunday brunch with your friends and do good.

Where and Who: I'm going to answer this one in the first sentance. IN YOUR COMMUNITIES. You might think: I live in Arcadia CA, it's a really nice and wealthy neighborhood, there aren't any homeless here. WRONG. Is this what Jesus did? Yup. There isn't just one passage where we see this but many. Jesus walks around his neighborhood/community and INTERACTS with the people of it. All kinds of people. Tax collectors (Luke 19:1-10), lepers (Luke 17:11-19), prostitutes (Luke 7:36-50), adulteresses (John 8:1-11) and whole a lot of other demographics (Matthew 25). These people exist in our culture today, some in the same exact way and some have taken other forms. But nonetheless, they are here and we are called to love them. If I were to extrapolate a little bit and survey how Jesus spent his time, based on what the scriptures say, I would say he spent more time with the sick and unbelieving then he did with the believing and healthy. (Mark 2:17). And that should be no different for us.

I actually believe this requires us to simply spend more time walking around our communities. I don't think Jesus got out of his bed and said: Totes gonna heal a man with leprosy today, maybe hang out with some tax collectors, or forgive the sins of an adulteress. No, he simply spent time in his community and was available so that when the need was present, so was he. I was shocked to find that when I practiced this in Pasadena, opportunities began to pop up. Instead of taking the short route to the awesome taco shop across the street from my church, I took the long route and met a young man about my age named Chris, who was currently living on the streets. I asked him if he wanted some lunch and we went and got some tacos and had a great conversation about how the church views people like him.

This isn't the sort of thing where you say, it's not my calling, I don't feel like the Lord has told me to interact with these people. No, this is a given, a constant, something you are expected to do as a follower and imitator of Christ. But I agree with what you might be thinking. It's not easy! Approaching a man that hasn't showered in maybe a few years, wearing the same clothes, just finished getting high, and could potentially be mentally ill is not the most comfortable of situations. But we aren't called to live in comfort now are we? Jesus certainly didn't live a comfortable life, at least in worldly terms.

How: Here is were it gets a little bit technical and requires some reading into the scriptures, but I also believe it speaks out for itself. Throughout Jesus's life we see him perform many mircales and interact with many sick folk, but one thing that we see each time Jesus makes one of these radical displays of love, is that he does not just heal the person and walk away. He does not merely point out a flaw in the woman at the well, rather he tells her how she can acquire living water, that will never leave her thirsty, he tells the no longer crippled man to, "get up and walk." All of these displays of power point to something: Jesus was not just interested in fixing these people mechanically, but empowering them, lifting them up, and helping them in a holistic sense, so that they could rise and proclaim the Good news. 

This last point will lead us directly into what our next blog will focus on, a continuation of the "how". How can we do things to help people, that are effective, but also long lasting? The key is empowerment. We empower by not destroying their dignity, by only doing for them what they can't do on their own. This is what Jesus has taught me and countless others community development pioneers. 

Let's Get Physical, Physical

Olivia Newton-John, my ex-girlfriend had a request for this blog, she said: "let's get physical, physical, let me hear your body talk, your body talk" So today that is what we are going to do, we are going to get physical and hear what the body of a person experiencing homelessness, mental illness and a drug addiction might be saying. I am going to try and not be as technical as I would want to be, because 1. I don't understand all of it myself 2. I don't want you to think, "I'm not going to get anything out of this because I'm not a science geek" I will link you all of the primary research articles that I am getting my information from, if you want to check to see if I'm bsing, or if you want to read more and get a more comprehensive understanding of the material presented in this blog. Throughout this blog I will refer to "patient x" as way to simply address the population focus: those experiencing homelessness who are suffering from a drug addiction.

What first struck my interest in the field of Neuroscience/Neuropsychopharmacology (The study of the action of drugs on the brain and behavior) was when I first began interacting with seriously ill people on the streets. I was unable to carry out a simple conversation with them. There were random bursts of yelling, their thoughts were very tangled and it was often hard to decipher where they were emotionally. When I began taking biology and chemistry classes I often pondered what was going on at the molecular level of these friends that I had made on the street. To no surprise, there is quite a lot going on at that level. Mental illness and drug addictions are a REAL THING my friends. Real in the sense that we have clear evidence that shows the biochemical differences between such patients and unaffected people of drugs and mental illness. It was a fascinating idea to think that a collection of subatomic particles, interacting in a way that they weren't normally could radically change the ability of a person to have a stable conversation with me, but it was also terrifying. Terrifying because you can't simply tell an electron to stop behaving that way. But you can certainly manipulate certain variables and create new boundaries for that electron. Similar to when a child is disobedient, you don't simply yell at them and tell them to stop (unless you are a bad parent), you give them a reason to, you change the circumstances so that the child behaves in a manner that is right, this is in a sense the goal of Neuropsychopharmalogical research with regards to drugs.

Relatively recent technology such as the PET and fMRI allow us to visually study the effects of such elements. A special scan, called the pharmacoMRI (phMRI) allows us to understand the effects of drugs on patients, and how that effects their psychology, behavior and problem solving skills through various tests. (*1) We are at the point in our science where we can scan a patients brain and see how their circuitry works. It is very clear that there has been a physical change in how patient x's create, maintain and conduct action potentials in the brain (our brains way of communicating and conducting the symphony of thought and command)

One of the ways in which addictive drugs work on the brain is by something known as Neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the phenomenon in which drug addiction has one of it's most dangerous effect. At the onset of drug use and through it's continual usage, the patient begins to experience a physical change in the pathophysiology of their neurons. This change occurs at the level of protein expression regulation, neurotransmitter regulation and neuronal conductance (*2). You can think of it like this: You are in route to a family vacation. When planning the trip you choose a specific path that will take you to your desired location. That path that the "normal" person takes is consistent with any trip he takes, they will avoid crowded freeways, they will stick to the road and stop periodically for breaks. Patient x's roadmap will begin to change as a result of the drugs. They won't take the same path as the normal patient, they won't drive at the same rate and they won't prepare in the same way that will bring them to point A safely, and often times they won't ever reach their destination because of this newly developed roadmap.

Why is the idea of Neuroplasticity so important? Well, it shows that you can't simply and easily just stop taking the addictive drugs. There has been a physiological shift in how patient x's biochemistry regulates their homeostasis. Not taking the drug for a few days messes with the roadmap that their brain has developed in response to the drug.

One of the effects of this new roadmap of patient x's brain and why drugs such as cocaine, crack, meth and many others are considered addictive drugs is because of their action on neurocircuitry. The action of these drugs begin to effect various areas of the brain and create a nasty cascade of events that lead to 3 specific events as noted by Koob and Volkow (*3). 'binge/intoxication', 'withdrawal/negative affect', and 'preoccupation/anticipation'. Each of these three stages act on different regions of the brain, but collectively they form the addictive patterns of the effected patient.

What does the effect of addictive drugs on neurocircuitry tell us? There is a sequential list of events that work together to create a new system, one in which is heavily dependent on these drugs. But why though?

Homeostasis. I mentioned this word earlier. Homeostasis is what we are here on this planet to do (Sorta joking/not entirely/I apologize/I digress). Every single cell, every protein, every atom every reaction in our body exist to maintain homeostasis. Homeostasis is the character of a system to maintain a specific level of conditions. Our body is constantly responding to changes in our environment to always maintain that homeostasis. At the onset of drug use our body will do everything in it's power to reject what was just taken up by our body. It doesn't like it, because the drug is messing with our homeostasis. (hangovers) 

Confession time: My senior year of high school, for the first time I drank an excessive amount of alcohol. The result wasn't pretty, it was a lot of vomit on the floor and bathroom of my prom dates house. My body rejected the large amount of alcohol, and since that point my body will continue to have that same reaction past a certain point. I have a threshold of how much alcohol I can consume, if I reach it, vomit. I had a very good response to alcohol actually, my experience with it was so bad, that I believe there was a neuroplastical (not sure if that's word it is now though) event that occurred, one that shifted in positively rejecting future large alcohol consumptions. 

How does this relate to patient x? I believe the same scenario could occur, that at the onset of drug use would cause patient x to well never become patient x, that their homeostatic controls would react in such a strong way that they would never want to touch that needle again. So why don't they? Unique circumstances. Some of which I mentioned earlier. Here are some that I think are potentially important.

1. When you are already out on the street, alone, cold, hungry, without friends, social interactions, without feeling loved.
2. Lack of support from family and friends.
3. Without goals, purpose, a tangible reason to continue maintaining homeostasis.
4. Genetic predispositions.
5. Mental illness 

When these unique circumstances are present with an individual, not limited to just one, I believe something special and unfortunate happens. Our natural response to reject something that is knowingly harmful to us changes. The natural rejection to a drug is overcome by these unfortunate circumstances, leading to a continued use and an eventual shift in the homeostatic regulation of ones body. Neuroplastic events happen and there is a new ruler of homeostasis, the addictive drug. Just like how "normal" peoples day to day activities are a culmination to maintain homeostasis, so will those of patient x's newly maintained homeostasis. What has happened now is, NOT taking the drug will mess with the newly set level of conditions. Of course these are just my observations/theory. I will work on developing some REAL Mendelian science and prove these things to you (or not).

My first reaction to all of this was saddening. This is a really complex issue with so many layers. It is as real as breaking a bone. You can't just simply go to therapy and have someone tell you that logically what you are doing is harmful and well "duh" don't do it. There is a whole new neuronal world that we MUST address and find ways to dance with it.

As we continue this blog we will look at amazing ways in which research has furthered our ability to help those addicted to drugs, including inventive ideas such as the first ever "addictive drug vaccine" to help against cocaine addiction. (A COCAINE VACCINE? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? LET'S FREAKING GOOOOOO)

Next week we will take a slight shift from all of this nerdy science stuff and begin to examine big picture holistic community developement. Guest speaker will be, Jesus, the greatest community development pioneer ever.

(*1): Imaging

(*2): Neuroplasticity

(*3): Neurocircuitry

Other useful articles:

http://www.nature.com/npp/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/npp2013261a.html

http://www.nature.com/npp/journal/v21/n2/full/1395295a.html

http://www.nature.com/npp/journal/v11/n2/pdf/npp199437a.pdf

(now dance a little!)

The Demographic

Last blog I talked about the idea of approach and the importance of it when looking at the homeless population. I touched upon the notion of approach that doesn't neglect where a person was coming from that was experiencing homelessness and not JUST looking at where they are currently, understanding where the came from and how they got to the point they are at, helps us identify what our role is in the rehab and healing process.

The mentally ill, substance abuse, chronically homeless population is primarily what the focus of this blog will be, but I also want to paint an accurate picture and give everyone an idea of just how complex the issue of homelessness is.

There are those that are experiencing, what I referred to earlier, as chronic homelessness. The US Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) defines chronic homelessness as: “either (1) an unaccompanied homeless individual with a disabling condition who has been continuously homeless for a year or more, OR (2) an unaccompanied individual with a disabling condition who has had at least four episodes of homelessness in the past three years.” *1 

There are those experiencing transitional homelessness. These are people who could have been recently laid off their job, or have fallen on payments for their house for too long and have been evicted. Many of these are families.

There are those who you would think are experiencing homelessness, but in actuality they may not be. Those include many panhandlers who you find on the streets. I was first informed of what panhandling is for the most part after talking to a good friend of mine in Pasadena who panhandles each day on the same corner. He explained to me, shamelessly, that this is his full-time job. He lives in an apartment down the way and this is how he makes payments on it. Andy Bales, C.E.O of the Union rescue mission also writes on this idea (see below for link) *2

There are those who may look like they are homeless, simply by their appearance, that are NOT panhandling. A good friend that I was able to make and meet with on a regular basis in Pershing Square, LA has all his teeth missing, is in his 70's, has a fuzzy gray beard, wears a beanie and old clothing actually has a place to stay and is very comfortable there. He isn't mentally ill. He isn't an alcoholic and he makes his house payments on time and is responsible about it.

This is in no way shape or form a comprehensive or detailed enough list, but I simply want to show you the varying degrees and shapes of homelessness. The next step requires practitioners to focus on these different groups and listen to stories, hear people out and understand the process that led them to where they are currently and through that we can 1. help be a part of their journey to reaching where they want to be and also 2. help identify common issues that lead to homelessness to help prevent others from ever entering into it.

Different cities will have varying needs. For example the 2012 Pasadena Homeless Survey identified a total of 904 persons experiencing homelessness (including children) of this 904, 50% were chronically homeless, 70% were men, 33% have a mental illness and 14% are substance abusers. *3 The 2013 Great Los Angeles Homeless Count reported that there were 70,000 people experiencing homelessness in Los Angeles. (wow). 30% were mentally ill and 30% were substance abusers. *4. 

Knowing this data allows us to focus our services and care in certain areas. Not to say we should not provide all kinds of care, but in a city such as Pasadena the need for excessive mental health and drug rehab centers isn't as needed as in skidrow.


Here is a chance for you to get involved! I referred to two different homeless counts. These are usually conducted by fellow citizens of the city! This is a very cool and practical opportunity for you to be of great help in your community and directly get a sense and understand of what it's needs are with regards to homelessness. I will provide a link at the bottom for the 2014 Pasadena Homeless Count, if you live in or near that area please be involved! I wish I was around so that I could, so instead you can for me :). Check online and find out when your city or county is doing a Homeless Count and get involved! *5


Sorry if this was somewhat uninteresting, the facts and numbers need to be laid out to get an idea of what we are dealing with here. 

Next blog I will get into the science behind drug addictions and how it begins to affect the mind.

1*: HUD
2*: Andy Bales Blog "Why I am Weary of Giving Money to People Panhandling"
3*: 2012 Pasadena Homeless Survey
4*: 2013 Greater Los Angeles Homeless Count
5*: 2014 Pasadena Homeless Count

It's Mathematics (You want to know how to rhyme you better learn to add)

It's a common phrase, numbers don't lie and well, they don't. They reveal to us truth in it's most simple form that can't be denied. Yasiin Bey, better known as Mos Def has a song called Mathematics (linked below). It talks about the African American population and many of the "numbers" associated with the people group. Through math Yasiin is able to paint a picture and be very empirical with the point he is trying to make. The approach of being mathematical and empirical wasn't always present in the scientific community. In 1863 a not so famous scientist, Charles Naudin, was actually able to conclude what Gregor Mendel (of Mendelian Genetics, papa) proved two years before Mendel. But there was a key difference in the approaches of these two scientists, mathematics. Mendel explained his observations by a theory, through numbers. Mathematical data that showed why his laws of segregation and independent assortment explained heredity. The answer to the question of why it is called Mendelian Genetics and not Naudin genetics lies in their approach and approach is what I want to talk to you about today.

What are the numbers associated with homelessness in America? 

• On a single night in 2012 there were 633,782 homeless people in the United States, including 394,379 who were homeless as individuals and 239,403 people who were homeless in families (1). 
• 62% of those were single adults, 32% were families with children. 
• 99,894 are chronically homeless (a 19.3% decline since 2007)
• 75,859 homeless in New York City alone (2).

There are many other numbers that you yourself can check out, this is just a snapshot.

What do we do with these numbers? Sure they are big, but in reality what are we comparing it to? I'll tell you, the relative number that I compare these thousands with is the ideal number of people experiencing homelessness, 0. With that in mind, not ignoring the progress we've made, we still got a lot of work to do.

Like Mendel, I believe the approach in which we take is essential to not only understanding the problem, but fixing it. It requires physicians, scientists, social workers, psychologists, everyone working on this to be systematic and pragmatic with their approaches. What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

In my limited amount of experience and reading I have noticed a pattern in the approach taken. It takes the homeless population and looks at where they are currently at and what their needs are, independent of where they came from. Trying to treat the homeless population without looking at where they came from is bad science. After Mendel's observations he ran tests and saw the ratios between his pea plants, if he was to stop there his work would have never been published. He needed to take it one step further and that was to test his results in a series of cross tests that excluded any other variables that might be playing a role into the method of heredity. It is no different with the homeless population. How a person entered into homelessness, drug addiction and all the other issues associated is vital in figuring out a solution and how to care for them, we must single out the variables playing vital roles in the problem.

Well I'm 20 years and a few degrees too short to be "Mendelic" with my approach yet, but here is what I have concluded thus far. The lowest common denominator of homelessness is lack of love and support from family and friends. 

I have heard it countless times, 

"People are out there on the streets because of poor choices." 

"Ish just happened to them" 

"It was their choice"

"It's their fault" 

Negative ghostrider, you have failure to launch with that theory. This idea is wrong for a few reasons. 

1. I have seen people close to me come so close to homelessness but not enter into it because of the support system around them.
2. If it was truly about us making poor choices that caused us to be homeless.. well then, the entire human race would fall under that demographic.

No matter who it is, every time I talk with someone on the streets and listened to their story, sure there were some poor choices, maybe some unfortunate events, but one way or another, there was commonality in the distance between the person and their family/support system. As one of the two parties (the person on the street or their family/support) began to separate themselves from one another, homelessness would begin to approach.

For now, I am a Naudin. I think I have made some sort of finding that accurately describes a phenomenon, but I have yet to test cross it and show you it's true validity, give me 20 years for that. But what I want to leave you with is this: if we don't try and systematically understand the mechanisms controlling homelessness, we will always maintain some degree of it.

Next post we will take an in depth look at some of the different groups of this demographic, how they vary, and how that changes the way in which they are cared for. We will also up the ante on the nerdy science stuff.

(1): The 2012 Point-in-Time Estimates of Homelessness

(2): Basic Facts About Homelessness: New York City Data and Charts

The Tenderloin Trifecta

Trip day 1 - Unknown

"Fuckin' asshole motherfucker, I'm gonna beat the shit out of that pussy. Hahahah, no that wasn't yesterday that was today, sitting with his corn bread."

These were the first words that 14 year old Rafik heard as he took his first steps in the Tenderloin District in San Francisco. He was there with his High School youth group for a week long "mission" trip, "serving" the homeless. As he heard those words, fear climbed up his spine because he thought the lady was speaking to him. She was sitting on a flattened cardboard box, a black lady maybe in her 40's, smoking a cigarette, saying these things with no one sitting next to her, no one receiving the violent words she was transmitting. Who was she talking to if not me?

Fear quickly turned into uneasiness, turned to confusion, turned to curiosity.




Trip day 2 - Jim

"Do you kids know how to get to the bridge from here, I would like to take my wheelchair and myself and jump off it."

"Can I pray for you sir?"

"If I was younger and not in this wheel chair, I would beat the shit out of you and kick your ass, boy."

This exchange happened when Rafik was out with the youth group handing out hot chocolate to the inhabitants of the Tenderloin. The man, Jim, was a vietnam veteran and had lost the ability to walk and was slowly losing the will to live.

Curiosity quickly turned to compassion, turned into confusion, turned into uneasiness, turned into hopelessness.




Third: Trip day 3 - William

"You know what young man, I just wish that they would take some of those big buildings and just share it with the homeless of these streets, just a small place for us to do the things that we love and enjoy, every man should be able to do that at least?"

"I don't know why, but I would give up my life for you, young man"

"If I had a million dollars, I would give it to that young man over there"

The young man was Rafik Wahbi, me.

Hopelessness quickly turned into joy, turned into tears, turned into purpose.



These three people have forever and radically changed my life. It was through them that I began to hear the still voice of God calling me to something big. The first day brought to my attention the issue at hand and the spark of interest in the problem. The second day brought forth the difficulty of the task and the many issues involved. The last day brought hope and compassion.

For the past 9 years I have begun to pursue this calling. I have done it by serving my local community, attending community development conferences and through my education. I hope that through this blog I can create conversations, stimulate minds, educate and introduce you to philosophies and methodologies that I hope to implement myself in the future.

I will do this through primary research articles that will explore the brain and the deviation from the "normal" circuitry that happens in mental ill/drug addicted patients. I will do this through scriptures to show how Jesus implemented proper community development techniques in his own ministry and life. And finally, I will do this by sharing with you some of the pioneers of these fields and their faithfulness to the cause.

One must ask themselves, with a problem this big and complicated, is it even possible to do something of great significance? I think yes and I will prove it to you.